When I’m talking about source and I’m talking about finding your alignment. I can explain it to you as it’s like where you feel like you found home. You found your home and inside of yourself this thing that you carry that’s like your home base.
It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had many challenges. I’ve been faced with many challenges many many things – many dark things – many things. I think why am I facing this challenge? You have to get up and you have to still move forward and you want to keep your light. You start understanding that there is a home base that’s internal that’s inside of you and only you can find it and only you can hold it.
Once you start learning how to be in alignment you don’t like being out of alignment.
I need to say to be in alignment – being in alignment – it’s difficult. It’s difficult to find. It’s an inside job. I learn how to be in alignment through suffering. Going through difficult situations – through being hurt or having something really difficult happen to me.
I had a choice – where do I want to be? Do I want to continue feeling this way even though I’ve been defeated? Being in alignment has to do with being home. Finding your home. It’s your home frequency. It’s a frequency. It’s the place where you are totally integrated. It’s you can feel like a buzzing inside of you .You have that energy inside of you. You have that ancestral memory inside of you—you have that. A whole connection that is like… and when you find that, you suddenly are so alive. You feel the direction. You feel where you have to go. You know what you have to be. You’re just happy. You’re—it’s like bubbles. It’s like bubbles that are going. Or it’s like a circuit. It’s like energy—pure circuitry—going through you. And when you’re in that space and you don’t have anything blocking you, it’s like a beautiful experience.
So after numerous disputes and failures, and trying to be a warrior and just losing so many things, I had to make a choice. Which door did I want to live in? Do I want to live in the door of fear and suffering and pain? Or do I want to live in this world where I feel more vital? And then I had to learn that it didn’t matter if I wanted it or not. I could still be in this place. I could choose to be in this place as much as I wanted to. And that’s what I’m working on now. That’s the third part.
What I want to say about being in alignment is that once I found that alignment, being out of alignment just did not feel good. It felt so bad. It felt so wrong. It just felt not right. And so being in alignment felt so vital and alive. It felt like I was actually electric or buzzing like a bee. So I started cultivating and working to be in that place. Because even if things don’t go right in the world, I can be in that place. I can have that.
One thing I want to say about alignment is—I found it mostly through dance, and through a disability, because I’m dyslexic. So when a teacher gives the instructions of the choreography, a lot of people who are not dyslexic can get it really quickly and just do it. I have to translate it to the left-hand side, so I make more mistakes. I would feel more awkward in class. I would feel like I can’t do this. I’m not good enough. I don’t have the skills to do this choreography.
And I just had to slowly learn how to turn off that critical voice and feel the music. Go to the heartbeat of the pulse of the music. Turn off my critical voice and say, “Okay, I’m going to make a mistake, but I’m going to do this from inside of me—from my own source, from my own feeling.” And in that way, I slowly started to learn how to put things together and keep my own self alive. You know, you can learn it through singing or dance or swimming or anything, but I learned it from having a disability.
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